Recovering from a relationship with a narcissist is a difficult journey riddled with guilt, self-doubt, and anxiety. It is important to remember that you are not alone – if you’re struggling to turn to your loved ones for support, you can reach out to a therapist, attend a group therapy session for others recovering from similar relationships, or try reading up on recovery tools online. Regardless of which path you take; recovery is never linear, and you will undoubtably be met with setbacks as you try to regain a sense of control over your life and set new boundaries. Be kind to yourself and remember that reaching out for help is the first step in your road to recovery. Below are four tips to help you recover from a relationship with a narcissistic ex. 

1.     Identifying a Narcissistic Partner

It is important to remember that at the root of it, those who suffer from narcissistic personality disorder are not evil – they have a mental illness that contributes to their toxic behaviour. Of course, just because someone you love has a mental illness does not mean that you should sacrifice your own needs and mental health to support them. It is essential to recognize when the needs of another are taking priority over your own. Suppose someone expects you to drop everything when they need you, play emotional games, or get overly jealous when you try to spend time away from them. In that case, it might be time to reconsider the relationship and assess whether your needs are being met.

4.    Setting Boundaries

Having clear, firm boundaries is key to successfully managing a narcissistic ex. Setting boundaries is not easy, and enforcing them can be incredibly stressful, but it is important to protect your energy and ensure that your mental wellbeing is the priority. The first step is to acknowledge the reality of your relationship – even if this does not make you feel great – so that you can move forward in your journey towards healing and avoid ending up in a similarly toxic situation. Working on your self-confidence and reclaiming your identity will make the enforcement of boundaries much easier. You must make it clear to your ex when, where and how they can communicate with you and make no exceptions.

Common signs of a narcissistic partner include:

o   Hypersensitivity to criticism

o   Lack of empathy

o   Gaslighting

o   Manipulative/charming personality  

Types of narcissistic personality disorder:

o   Bullying

o   Closeted (hard to spot)

o   Exhibitionist (inflated sense of importance)

o   Toxic (always creating drama)

o   Psychopathic

o   Seducer (builds you up and knocks you down)

2.   Why your Narcissistic Ex Wants to Stay Friends

Often, when trying to end a relationship with a narcissist, you will be met by strong resistance. Manipulation tactics, sucker punches (low blow comments), and threats of self-harm are not uncommon in this situation, and it is important to recognize these acts and set clear boundaries to protect yourself. Often, a narcissistic ex will try to remain friends. By continuing a relationship, they can keep the door open for future emotional/sexual needs, maintain control over you, and continue to play emotional games. When ending a relationship with someone you believe, or know, to be a narcissist, it is key to set up firm boundaries and resist the urge to continue a relationship, even as friends, until you feel you are in a safe place emotionally.

4.     Healthy Communication

Sometimes, cutting an ex out of your life completely is not possible due to shared custody, pets, or divorce proceedings. Therefore, learning how to communicate in a safe and efficient manner is very important. DO NOT ENGAGE when an ex is trying to goad you into an argument or uses emotionally manipulative tactics to get what they want. Do your best to keep a clear head and stay focused on what you intend to get out of the conversation. Offer close-ended answers (“yes” or “no”) to any requests, and do not allow yourself to be distract by “love bombing” (a sudden/sharp increase in attention, kindness, and affection). It is important to stand your ground. Go into every interaction with a clear sense of where you want to be at the end of it and do not allow yourself to be swayed. This will set the stage in the future for healthier communication and will help ensure your boundaries are respected.

Interested in learning more about narcissistic personality disorder and the tools you can use to avoid falling prey to a narcissistic ex? Book an appointment with our Psychotherapist, Rebecca Martin, and gain the tips, tools, and knowledge you need to improve your relationships and set healthy boundaries.